Dearest you,

Wow! Congratulations.

High School (or something) is over! University (or something better) awaits.

What a BIG DEAL you are becoming. I mean you have always been a BIG DEAL to me. 

You were the first child and pregnancy I knew from my childhood friends. I knew your mom when I was three and five and eight and twelve and fifteen and eighteen and twenty-two, and then all of a sudden (so it seemed to me) she was growing a BABY! A real live mysterious FUTURE PERSON inside her body, which had usually reflected my own in clothes, size, shape, style, habits and comfort. I do not remember your babyhood so much as your toddler-hood and your young PERSON-ness as you became a big sister, and then again, and again. You LOOKED like my friend E., and you acted similar to her, yet different and unique and beautiful and so curious.

You were and are BELOVED. 

Please never ever forget that. 

BELOVED. 

Through every shift and change and exploration and “failure” that lies in your future, know that you emerged into this world BELOVED.

It is your birthright.

You come from LOVING, GENEROUS people, and you are a loving generous person. Your Grandma J and your Grandpa J glowed with LOVE. Female J’s love was patient, caring, accepting. Male J’s was gregarious, limitless, a tad mischievous.

The world does not always feel loving, generous, or patient, so be sure to look for and treasure the loving, generous people you will get to know in the coming years. 

By all means, find other kinds of people, too, if you want, but be sure to find, recognize and treasure the people who make you more yourself. Friends, soul mates, the family you choose, they should make you feel bigger, braver, energized.

The best ones also know when you feel small and lost - they understand, they see it, they feel it, too. They might know why (if you choose to share and sometimes even when you don’t) and they will help you find your way back. To yourself.

Should you ever have questions, worries, sadness, panic, trouble with THE LAW (i hope this is more funny than true, but it remains on the list), heartbreak, confusion, life overwhelm, adulting challenges, etc… you can always CALL, TEXT, WRITE or SHOW UP, and I will hug you, feed you, and guide you (or not) to the best of my heart’s abilities.    

I am so proud of you. And I don’t even know MOST of the details. So take this time to celebrate where you have come from, what you have learned on the road here, what parts you want to take with you and what parts you can let go of.

After you are 30 or 40, you will know you can let go of SO MUCH, most of what you think you owe others. Do not let go of what you want, what you need, or what you owe yourself. You get to prioritize yourself first, grow into yourself, and then decide what to share or lend others. 

Between the generations of our moms, us, and you, maybe you will shave another decade or two off the shackles of an ‘obliging’ feminine nature. Regenerate what we know of the feminine (and her + cousins) so that it is, in fact and deed, always coming from you first - through you, to you - then out into the world.

It is going to be AMAZING.

It will be ALL YOURS in a whole new way, and it will be made up of little prints of YOU. Can you see the billion beautiful moments of past and present and future in tiny little pixels? Or as a spinning kaleidoscope? An impressionist painter’s dots on a canvas?

There are so many options before you…. but one step at a time, keep your head on your shoulders, your heart in your chest. Pay attention with the antennae you were born to specialize in.

Let go of the bullshit. Oh God, there is and will be SO. MUCH. bullshit. (That is one of Callan’s favorite words to catch me or somebody on a show or a pod saying)

Take a minute to love and celebrate the wins. You, your work and your progress matter. Even when they are small wins, they especially deserve your attention. Above all KEEP GOING. It all counts. It will all be perfect. Beautiful. Beloved. A freaking masterpiece.

With so much LOVE,

Ellen Cora Pollis